


For Now

by stalrua



Series: Tumblr Drabbles [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 16:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16223249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stalrua/pseuds/stalrua
Summary: Levi’s thumb traced a repeated path along the slope of Eren’s jaw. “I’d do it, if I had to.  If you made me.” Then he leaned down to press their foreheads together, and Eren could feel Levi’s lips move against his own, barely touching as he spoke. “Don’t make me.”For the prompt: “I’m sorry if that upsets you, but it’s the truth.”





	For Now

**Author's Note:**

> I love modern AUs, but I really wanted to try writing my favorite guys in canon. The original idea for this wasn’t meant to be sad, though. I’m not sure what happened.
> 
> Also, there will be a commission by [littleskrib](http://littleskrib.tumblr.com/) to go with this soon! I’ll update with a link when it’s ready :D
> 
> EDIT: IT'S HERE AND IT'S WONDERFUL. [Check it out!](http://stalrua.tumblr.com/post/178951400060/littleskrib-commission-for-stalrua-a-little)
> 
> If you have a specific prompt in mind, hit me up on [tumblr!](http://stalrua.tumblr.com)

Eren launched his hooks into the top story of the dilapidated building and propelled himself upward.  A labyrinth of alleyways and roads gradually stretched out beneath him.  He made sure to stay on course as he navigated higher, arcing over the top of the building to coast above the rooftop.  If he was right, the guy should be…

There!  He’d pulled the hood of his cloak over his head and was hugging the shadows, but it was definitely him.  The outline of the stolen maneuver gear was unmistakable.  Eren shot forward with a burst of gas and let gravity do the rest.  Before the guy could turn around, Eren tackled him from behind at full speed.

Adrenaline dulled the pain as they skidded across the cobblestones, although bright lights did dance across Eren’s vision when the guy managed to slam an elbow back against his temple.  The impact stunned him for a moment, and his grip loosened just enough for the guy to slip free.  Eren was still blinking rapidly when he was forced to dodge the knife that had suddenly appeared.

He reared back and unsheathed his own blades with a harsh _shink_.  The guy’s hood had fallen away, and Eren found himself meeting a pair of steely grey eyes glaring out from beneath a dark fringe.  There might have been three in the group of fugitives, but this was their leader.  This was the one Squad Leader Erwin had told them to catch by any means necessary.  He couldn’t – wouldn’t – let him get away. 

Eren lunged.  The guy side-stepped neatly, body curling around the extended blade, and a hand clamped down on Eren’s wrist to prevent any sort of follow through.  Eren readied his other blade, but there was the knife again, glinting in the soft, artificial light.

Forgoing an attack, Eren brought his blade up to block the guy’s backhanded slash.  The two locked momentarily, but momentum was still carrying him forward.  The knife screeched along the length of Eren’s blade as the guy fell back.  Eren pressed his advantage, a faint sense of victory flaring brightly in his chest.  He could do this.

But then the knife reached his blade hilt and the feeling disappeared as quickly as it had come.  The guy dropped, spun them both… then the knife was free.  Free to swing upward.  Free to come at him too fast to evade.  Free to press to his throat and—

 

 

—Eren jerked violently awake.

The image was still vivid enough that he sat up and twisted away instinctively.  An attempt to escape backwards only sent him toppling over the side of the bed.  It wasn’t until he was sprawled on the floor on his back, legs half on the bed after getting tangled in the sheets, that Eren finally stopped struggling.

He stared blankly up at the wooden beams crisscrossing the ceiling.  The chase, the fight, the knife.  It had all felt so real.  But reality was slipping into focus.  Eren rested one hand on his chest, waited as the adrenaline bled from his muscles, his thundering heartbeat gradually slowed, and the sheen of sweat cooled on his skin.  He knew where he was. 

“What the fuck?”

And who he was with.

Eren lifted his head just enough to find a bleary gaze up on the bed.  Hair mussed from sleep hung into Levi’s eyes, and there were faint lines from where his cheek had been pressed into the pillow.  Eren felt the last threads of tension unwind at the sight.  He’d never grow tired of seeing Levi like this: relaxed, vulnerable, real.

“Eren?”

That familiar voice, gravelly and rough from sleep, brought Eren back to himself.  “Sorry, I was…”  Shaking his head, he tried to pull his legs free of the sheet, but they were hopelessly intertwined.  “It was a dream.”

“That exciting, huh?”  Levi leaned over and began working on the sheet, tugging it out from under Eren’s right leg, pulling it through itself, passing it over his left ankle.  “Must have been about me.”

“As a matter of fact, it was.  You were—”

Suddenly, the pressure was gone and gravity had Eren’s legs curling over and up by his ears.  He blinked up at the ceiling again, this time in exhausted disbelief.  What a night.  He was still trying to get his bearings when Levi appeared over the edge of the bed, one brow arched intriguingly.

“This looks promising.”  Levi purposefully scanned Eren’s position, then met his eyes through the bracket of his thighs.  “Was this part of your dream?”

Eren couldn’t help but chuckle.  “No.”

“Hm.  Shame.”

With a grunt and some help from Levi, Eren rolled to the side in an ungainly mess of limbs.  The floor was cold, but he didn’t get up right away, just sat there for a moment, elbows resting on his bent knees.  Outside, the sky was still a deep, dark blue.  It was either very late or very early.  The only light in the room came from the waning sliver of a moon barely visible through the open window.

“I dreamt we were in the Underground.  I was…”  Eren paused.  It had taken a long time for Levi to talk about his past, and he was hesitant to dredge up bad memories.  However, Levi merely propped his head in one hand and dipped his chin in an unspoken _go on_.  “I was part of the group that found you.  We were fighting when I woke up.  You were winning.”

Levi nodded.  “As well I should.”

Brows drawing together, Eren stared up at Levi incredulously.  “Really?”

“I take it you were expecting something different.”

“Well… kind of, yeah.”  Eren shrugged and moved to stand.  Before he could do more than get his feet under him, Levi extended one hand, and Eren used it to pull himself up.  “I mean, you obviously didn’t come out on top at the time.”

“It was a dream, not a reenactment.”  Levi casually pushed aside the rumpled sheets and laid back, fingers laced beneath his head.  “And I didn’t win back then because I wasn’t trying to.”

Lingering by the bedside, Eren drank in the form stretched out in front of him.  Levi’s body was a masterpiece.  He’d known that even before peeling off the captain’s shirt that first time with trembling, eager fingers.  Years of fighting for survival had left him broadly muscled, enticing in an indescribable way.

The moonlight skimmed over Levi, creating shadows that pooled in the dips and valleys of his torso.  They spoke to Eren, called to him.  His fingertips trailed lightly up Levi’s leg.  In the pale light, his skin was almost translucent, and Eren had the sudden urge to trace the veins snaking beneath the surface with his tongue.  Instead, he kneeled on the bed, placed a hand on either side of Levi, and hovered over him.

“But it was _my_ dream.  You shouldn’t get trounced in your own dream.”

“Even at a subconscious level, you know you’re going to get your ass handed to you if you take me on.”  Levi ignored Eren’s offended expression, which might have been frustrating if not for the way he found Eren’s hips, guiding him closer.  “I’m sorry if that upsets you, but it’s the truth.”

Eren straddled Levi.  His cock twitched at the feeling of Levi already half-hard beneath him, and he rocked forward unconsciously, craving friction even as Levi drug his hands down Eren’s thighs and back again, around to squeeze his ass, up his sides to tease the ticklish strip along his ribs.  When the back of Levi’s knuckles purposefully brushed the front of Eren’s briefs and his eyes flicked up, Eren batted his hand away with a laugh.

“Don’t be stupid.  You’re not sorry at all.”

Levi snorted.  “No, I’m not.”

Seeing Levi grin even slightly was a rare thing.  Normally, Eren would want to savor every second of it, but he was finished playing around.  A low growl was his only warning before he surged forward.

There was nothing graceful about it.  The kiss was all teeth and tongue and heat, and they rolled around on the bed until Levi finally managed to pin Eren down and work their underwear off one-handed.  Levi’s mouth was everywhere – nipping, scraping, sucking – and Eren muttered a string of desperate curses under his breath as he alternated between burying his hands in Levi’s hair, gripping his ass, and blindly fumbling for the oil on the bedside table.

It was hurried and messy, but that was okay because this was them.  No composure, no fronts.  This was real.  It was what Eren had spent so long hoping for: to see those walls come down, to know the needy look in Levi’s eyes was all for him, to truly understand the man beneath the brusque exterior.  It was all so good.  He could lose himself in those eyes, that touch, this moment and die happy.  God, he was going to miss this once he—

Eren stiffened.

Levi lifted his head from where he’d been leaving a mark just above Eren’s hipbone.  “What is it?”

Reality came crashing in.  A familiar zing of panic twisted through Eren’s stomach, and it was hard to do anything more than remember how to breathe.  He fought for control, struggling against all the fears and doubts.  Reasoning through it made him feel better, even if it didn’t quite soothe the ache in his chest.

Levi’s eyes flashed in the moonlight as he braced himself up on one elbow.  They were sharp with worry, like the knife he’d pressed to Eren’s throat.  The dream floated through Eren’s mind unbidden.  He thought of how naturally Levi had come at him with the blade, no hesitation whatsoever, and reached out to brush the hair out of Levi’s face.

“Would you kill me?”

Levi leveled him with a deadpan look.  “Right now?  I was enjoying where things were headed, so I’d really rather not.”

“If you had to, I mean.  If it came down to it.”

The conversation had taken an irreversible turn if even Levi’s awkward, dry sense of humor failed to lighten the mood.  With a sigh, Levi crawled out from between Eren’s legs and up the bed to lay on his back beside him.  “Where is this coming from, Eren?”

“I don’t know.  I was just… wondering, I guess.”  Eren took the pair of briefs Levi handed over and pulled them on.  So much for their midnight fun.  He’d botched that.  “Things are different now.  Duty’s always come first, but now that we… you know…”

“You expect me to choose you over the rest of humanity just because we’re fucking?”

Startled a bit by the bluntness, Eren briefly glanced at Levi.  “Of course not.”

Honestly, he would’ve phrased it as more along the lines of _together_ instead of only _fucking_ , but maybe the past year hadn’t been enough to bring them onto the same wavelength yet.  If so, now probably wasn’t the best time to broach that subject.  Even if they were, he still wouldn’t say anything.  It would only make things harder, in the end.  But the nature of their relationship, whatever it might be, wasn’t what he’d been getting at.

“You tried to kill me.”  Eren inhaled deeply, let it out in a heavy rush.  “In my dream.”

Beside him, Levi hummed softly.  “And you think that means I’d have no qualms killing you now.”

Eren shrugged.  He’d long since accepted the inevitability of his death.  If it wasn’t during battle or through natural means, it would be when his thirteen years were up.  Either way, his days were numbered.  There was no point pretending otherwise.  He wasn’t afraid of dying, though.  He was afraid of the choice being easy.

_I trust myself to deal with him.  Kill him, if I have to._

_I can still take him down without a problem._

_I can definitely kill him if it comes to that._

The bed shifted and dipped.  Eren could feel Levi looking down at him but couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze.  He stared resolutely past those penetrating eyes until a hand at his chin forced him to turn.

“You’re right, things are different now.  But we are, first and foremost, soldiers.”  Levi’s thumb traced a repeated path along the slope of Eren’s jaw.  “I’d do it, if I had to.  If you made me.”  Then he leaned down to press their foreheads together, and Eren could feel Levi’s lips move against his own, barely touching as he spoke.  “Don’t make me.”

The ache in his chest throbbed to life with a vengeance, and Eren closed his eyes against the wetness that threatened to spill over.

_You choose what you choose.  If afterwards your regrets are at a minimum, good for you._

Levi was right.  They were soldiers.  And this was Eren choosing duty over his feelings, same as Levi would if it came down to it.  There was too much at stake.  He’d do what needed to be done.  He wouldn’t regret leaving.  He wouldn’t regret whatever happened when he made his move against Marley.  The only thing he’d regret would be what Levi thought when he found him gone.

They pulled away for only a moment.  Eren couldn’t take the look in Levi’s eyes any longer than that, the inexplicable hardness he hadn’t expected, the solemnity that made him wonder how much Levi truly suspected.  Ignoring the churning in his gut, he rolled them so they could lie facing each other.

Strong, sure fingers carded through his hair, and Eren kissed Levi again and again and again.  Nothing desperate or urgent, just leisurely kisses and lingering touches.  Things he could commit to memory.  Things he could fall back on when the going got tough and his resolve faltered and he needed to remember what he was fighting for, what he was trying to protect and save.

 _Please…_ Eren buried his face in Levi’s neck.  _Please don’t hate me._

Two weeks.  That was all the time they had left.  Then there would be an ocean between them.  He could only hope that when he returned – _if_ he returned – that distance wouldn’t remain.  But those were fears for another time.  He wouldn’t let that ruin the here and now, not when they were wrapped up so closely in one another that Eren could feel Levi’s heartbeat mirror his own.  They were here, and he’d make the most of the time they had left.

Until then, they had this.

For now, this was his.


End file.
